Intimacy

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, they discuss the true dynamics of relationships. In the text I read about why we form relationships. Intimacy is one of the many reasons why we form relationships. This goes for all humans, even the ones that like to be by themselves or bitter and lonely. Everyone needs intimacy to feel fulfilled, this helps relationships form. Many people can even suffer from health problems from the lack of intimacy. When my mom got a divorce she became really sick and over the years her health got worse, including depression. I personally feel if you don’t have intimacy in your life it’s hard to form relationships. Emotional intimacy is very important because it helps express yourself. It helps form human bonds with others. This varies from relationship to relationship. I personally feel that you really have to know yourself in order to convey in intimacy. This is very important because if you have problems with yourself and don’t love yourself then it’s hard to show intimacy in a relationship. Overall I believe that intimacy is a big part in how relationships form. If there is no form of intimacy in relationships then its hard for them to grow and form.

Attraction

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, they discuss the true dynamics of relationships. In the text I read about why we form relationships. One reason why we form relationships is attraction. I thought that this was interesting because personally without knowing, I do this all the time when I am forming a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you only form relationships with people who are pretty or good looking but we form them because they have an attractive personality. Many beautiful girls are with guys who are unattractive look wise but they feel that their personality is much attractive that it makes up for their looks. Personally I feel the same because someone could be good looking but have an ugly personality. This makes them an ugly person in my eyes. I think that looks are just a bonus in relationships. There are many people who only focus on looks when it comes to forming relationships. I personally feel that they are the ones who end up in unhealthy relationships. When I am forming a relationship based on attractiveness, I tend to form them with people who like the same things as me. It is easier and more satisfying for me to have disclosure with people who I can relate to.

Selective Hearing

In chapter 7 listening, the text discussed the negative characteristics of listening. My whole life I have been told that I have selective listening. This would have to be my weakness of listening. Sometimes it’s hard for me to concentrate on someone talking to me when other things are going on. When there are background noises like a tv, radio, or people talking I always seem to get sidetracked and don’t give them my full attention. This effects my communication with people and I feel like sometimes it’s out of my control. This make to a friend is me look bad as a listener because I know when someone does this to me I get annoyed and feel that it is rude. When I am on my cell phone talking to a friend is when I see this happening to this happening the most. Since I am busy all the time I usually get calls when in the middle of something. I feel bad because I care about my friends and I want to be able to be a good listener for them. I need to be able to set aside what I am doing so I don’t have selective hearing. Turning of distractions will help and even going into another room where it is quite will help out also.

Questions

In chapter 7 they talk about listening. While reading the text I learned what kind of listener I am. Questioning listening is what I feel I do the most when listening to someone. I feel this is the best way I can get all the information I need when talking to someone. Many times when I am talking to someone, they leave out many key things because they think I know what they are saying. So to eliminate confusion I ask questions so I can understand them. This also makes you look like you are engaging in a conversation. I believe that just saying uh huh and nodding is not effective. I have been told that I ask good questions while in a conversation. I feel this is a good quality to have because it shows you care. I do have to watch out for the counterfeit questions because that can get me into trouble sometimes. It’s almost as if I am interrogating someone one, or even sounding nosey. Overall I think this is a very popular way of listening. Sometimes it makes the person look at the situation differently. Sometimes it’s good to let the person say what they want to say before asking questions. This helps you let the person vent before saying anything or not sidetracking them. It also good to make sure you don’t ask a question that won’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Power

In the text of chapter 5 they talk about how language is powerful. I would have to agree with this because language is very important our society. They mention that speech is cultural. I never thought of it in this way, but it’s completely true. I thought it was interesting when I read that in Japan, it’s not a good thing to speak powerful. In our country it’s completely opposite. We value people that speak powerful. One thing I look at when I am speaking with someone is how powerful the person speaks. This is a big deal when choosing a president. The reason why people like Obama is how powerful his speeches are. I think that the power of language is how you phrase and say things. The choice of words you use makes a huge difference. When I am talking to someone I try to use direct words with them. When people say um, uh, or ah while talking it makes them sound unsure of what they want. Its good to sound firm and confident. I feel that you will have a less percentage of rejection. If you look at the powerful people in history they all share this same quality.

Mixed messages

In chapter 6 Nonverbal communication, I thought that it was interesting to see nonverbal communication serve many functions. Contradicting and deceiving fall under these categories. When people are expressing messages verbally and nonverbally, the two can be opposite and contradict each other. This happens when there are mixed messages which everyone will face this. When we get older we display these messages more often. Sometimes I can tell when someone needs help with something because they display non verbal messages of struggle and pain, I try to help. Once I try doing this they say “oh I can do this myself”, or “i don’t need help”, when obviously they are displaying that they are struggling. This gives me a mixed signal and it frustrates me because I don’t know what they want. When people give off deceiving messages they are called leakage. I find this very interesting because it can be very inconsistent. I thought it was interesting to see that experiments found that a liars voice tends to be higher than a truth tellers because there is less thinking involved in truth tellers. One thing I have found from personal experience with my friends is they won’t make eye contact when they are lying. Also when they fidget or so a lot of pauses I can tell they are lying.

Five Elements

In chapter seven listening: more than meets the eye, I thought elements in the listening process were very insightful. There are five elements that make up listening. The elements are hearing, attending, understanding, responding, and remembering. I never realized that are so many components to listening. There are many factors that influence our hearing such as background noises, fatigue, and loss of hearing. Background noises affect my hearing the most because it’s hard for me to focus on other things besides that. Attending is another important part of listening. If we were to attend every sound then we would go crazy because of all the sounds that are constantly going on. This is important to do when listening to a friend because you have to turn off all the sounds around you. Understanding and making sense of all the messages is important for listening too. If you don’t do this then it’s hard to figure out the conversation you are listening to. I personally feel that responding is the most effective way to listening. This helps fully understanding messages because you are interacting in the conversation. I feel like you look like a good listener if you do this. Remembering is key to listening, because it is good to recall what you just heard, if you can’t remember then it makes it hard to listen.