2nd, 3rd and 4th dimensions of intimacy

In chapter 9, intimacy and distance in relational communication, the text discusses the different dynamics of intimacy. Another dimension of intimacy that I thought was interesting was intellectual sharing. When someone shares personal ideas with one another it’s a form of intimacy. Having interest in someone else’s life is a way to show being intimate. This is something that I do with friends, family and my significant other because I feel that it’s powerful. The third dimension of intimacy is emotional intimacy. This is when people share important feelings with one another. This develops a level of closeness. In the book it explains that you don’t need to be face to face with someone to show this type of intimacy. Many people have online relationships where they feel they same closeness with a person. I thought this was very interesting because I never thought of it in this way before. The fourth dimension that they discuss in the text is shared activities. This something that you can share with anyone and it doesn’t have to be with a significant other. This means that you do activites with people and it creates a bond and closeness. I do this with my friends when we go out on the weekends. With my co workers we work together on a daily basis were it creates a level of intimacy.

physical intimacy

In chapter 9, Intimacy and Distance in Relational communication, the text discussed the dimensions of intimacy. Overall intimacy has many different dimensions. There is not just one definition of intimacy. I personally feel that intimacy varies on the type of relationship you are in. Intimacy is very important in relationships but if you don’t love yourself then it is hard show intimacy to someone else. To me, intimacy means to have a close bond with someone. You need to trust them to show intimacy. If there is no trust then it’s hard to be on a personal level with them. The first dimension that the text discussed about intimacy was physical intimacy. This is very interesting because this is something that is hard to explain in words. Mother’s and a baby they feel a bond and intimate feeling of closeness that is hard to put into words. Physical contact like hugging, holding, and cuddling are all types of physical intimacy that people share with each other. Many people feel that physical intimacy means that it’s sexual. Clearly this is not the case, my family gives hugs to everyone we feel intimate with. This is a bond that can live a lifetime and its very important in everyone’s life.

Communicationg about relationships

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, the text discussed about the way we communicate about relationships. In relational messages, there are two main components. One is the relational message which is when we communicate a message with one or more social needs. We do this because we want control, affection, and respect. There are four categories of relational messages. Affinity is when we communicate messages with the degree for which we show that we like and appreciate each other. I see this a lot when people first meet someone who their attracted to and the communicate messages that involve their appreciation towards them. Immediacy refers to when we show interest and attention towards others. Respect is another form of communicating about relationships. This happens when we hold people esteem. These messages are when we communicate messages that convey respect. This is very important when forming relationships because when you respect them when communicate their likely to respect you back. Personally I think that respect is good to express when communicating. Control is another reason why we communicate about relationships. This is when both parties use communicate controlling messages to influence the other person. I see this a lot in toxic relationships.

rewards

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, the text explained why we form relationships. I have discussed in my last 2 blogs about the reasons why we form relationships. The main reason why we form relationships is because of rewards. This is something that can be interpreted in different ways. One form of relational rewards is a greater value then costs. So basically we get emotional satisfaction and feel rewarded when are with someone. One of my friends is a good example of this because she is very fun to hangout and has a great personality. I feel rewarded when I am hanging out with her because she makes me laugh and is very positive. She gives of great vibes and it’s a reward to have a friend like her. Another form that can be interpreted is when people chose their relationships based on materialistic rewards. Personally I view it as the same as using and coning people. Another one of my friends from work does this when she is looking for a boyfriend. Whenever we go out she is always checking out guys who have flashy clothes and cars. People do this all the time, I feel that if do this then your relationship will be focused on unimportant things and will turn into an unhealthy relationship.

Intimacy

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, they discuss the true dynamics of relationships. In the text I read about why we form relationships. Intimacy is one of the many reasons why we form relationships. This goes for all humans, even the ones that like to be by themselves or bitter and lonely. Everyone needs intimacy to feel fulfilled, this helps relationships form. Many people can even suffer from health problems from the lack of intimacy. When my mom got a divorce she became really sick and over the years her health got worse, including depression. I personally feel if you don’t have intimacy in your life it’s hard to form relationships. Emotional intimacy is very important because it helps express yourself. It helps form human bonds with others. This varies from relationship to relationship. I personally feel that you really have to know yourself in order to convey in intimacy. This is very important because if you have problems with yourself and don’t love yourself then it’s hard to show intimacy in a relationship. Overall I believe that intimacy is a big part in how relationships form. If there is no form of intimacy in relationships then its hard for them to grow and form.

Attraction

In chapter 8, communication and relational dynamics, they discuss the true dynamics of relationships. In the text I read about why we form relationships. One reason why we form relationships is attraction. I thought that this was interesting because personally without knowing, I do this all the time when I am forming a relationship. This doesn’t mean that you only form relationships with people who are pretty or good looking but we form them because they have an attractive personality. Many beautiful girls are with guys who are unattractive look wise but they feel that their personality is much attractive that it makes up for their looks. Personally I feel the same because someone could be good looking but have an ugly personality. This makes them an ugly person in my eyes. I think that looks are just a bonus in relationships. There are many people who only focus on looks when it comes to forming relationships. I personally feel that they are the ones who end up in unhealthy relationships. When I am forming a relationship based on attractiveness, I tend to form them with people who like the same things as me. It is easier and more satisfying for me to have disclosure with people who I can relate to.

Selective Hearing

In chapter 7 listening, the text discussed the negative characteristics of listening. My whole life I have been told that I have selective listening. This would have to be my weakness of listening. Sometimes it’s hard for me to concentrate on someone talking to me when other things are going on. When there are background noises like a tv, radio, or people talking I always seem to get sidetracked and don’t give them my full attention. This effects my communication with people and I feel like sometimes it’s out of my control. This make to a friend is me look bad as a listener because I know when someone does this to me I get annoyed and feel that it is rude. When I am on my cell phone talking to a friend is when I see this happening to this happening the most. Since I am busy all the time I usually get calls when in the middle of something. I feel bad because I care about my friends and I want to be able to be a good listener for them. I need to be able to set aside what I am doing so I don’t have selective hearing. Turning of distractions will help and even going into another room where it is quite will help out also.

Questions

In chapter 7 they talk about listening. While reading the text I learned what kind of listener I am. Questioning listening is what I feel I do the most when listening to someone. I feel this is the best way I can get all the information I need when talking to someone. Many times when I am talking to someone, they leave out many key things because they think I know what they are saying. So to eliminate confusion I ask questions so I can understand them. This also makes you look like you are engaging in a conversation. I believe that just saying uh huh and nodding is not effective. I have been told that I ask good questions while in a conversation. I feel this is a good quality to have because it shows you care. I do have to watch out for the counterfeit questions because that can get me into trouble sometimes. It’s almost as if I am interrogating someone one, or even sounding nosey. Overall I think this is a very popular way of listening. Sometimes it makes the person look at the situation differently. Sometimes it’s good to let the person say what they want to say before asking questions. This helps you let the person vent before saying anything or not sidetracking them. It also good to make sure you don’t ask a question that won’t make them feel uncomfortable.

Power

In the text of chapter 5 they talk about how language is powerful. I would have to agree with this because language is very important our society. They mention that speech is cultural. I never thought of it in this way, but it’s completely true. I thought it was interesting when I read that in Japan, it’s not a good thing to speak powerful. In our country it’s completely opposite. We value people that speak powerful. One thing I look at when I am speaking with someone is how powerful the person speaks. This is a big deal when choosing a president. The reason why people like Obama is how powerful his speeches are. I think that the power of language is how you phrase and say things. The choice of words you use makes a huge difference. When I am talking to someone I try to use direct words with them. When people say um, uh, or ah while talking it makes them sound unsure of what they want. Its good to sound firm and confident. I feel that you will have a less percentage of rejection. If you look at the powerful people in history they all share this same quality.